Eye of the Beholder

Respect is very much an “eye of the beholder” concept. What one person sees as respectful could be interpreted as disrespectful by another, and vice versa. So if someone behaves as you believe people should behave, that’s a show of respect. If someone violates your expectations in ways you dislike, you may interpret that as a sign of disrespect. And from your perspective, you’d always be right.

By these definitions I could label myself as either highly respectful or highly disrespectful. On the one hand, I definitely pay attention to other people’s beliefs. I certainly don’t ignore how others think, feel, and behave. I often like to delve into someone’s beliefs when I’m getting to know them. So in that sense, I’m very respectful. I consciously observe.

On the other hand, I frequently violate other people’s expectations of how I should behave. I don’t feel compelled to follow social norms.

This is often deliberate. I recognize the expected behaviors, and I consciously choose not to adhere to them. To many people this is a very disrespectful thing to do.

One person may love that I like to be honest and direct and may hold me in high regard for that. Another person may perceive me as being discourteous for the exact same behavior. Within their own frames, they’d both be right.